Are you starting to look and feel like this too?
When I was in college, I felt prepared and ready to fly out and change the world. Okay, I quickly learned during my student teaching that I wasn't going to change the world. But, I was certainly going to change lives. I am sure I have affected a majority of my students. Seriously, I have a bond with some of my kiddos that is truly remarkable. I really focused on relationship building at the beginning of the year.
So, let me tell you a little about my class.
I started with 28 students (I think). One, never showed up, so I don't always count him. Good kids, great kids! There were about three kids on my "radar" at that point. One who had been retained, one who had troubles in previous years, and another that others warned me about behaviorally.
Okay, I KNEW I could handle it and I did! My first set of parent teacher conferences made me feel like Wonder Woman. I mean my parents were practically drooling over how awesome their kids were doing. Seriously, I am not trying to toot my own horn, but it's true. The kid who threw temper tantrums quit, the kid who tipped desks quit, it was like some kind of miracle. It was AWESOME! And the best part was, I didn't even do anything! Clearly, these kids had grown up over summer break and came back to school with a different approach. Did I mention that I am only 23, for some reason 5th graders like having a young teacher and for the most part, actually do what I say.
So, that was like August through Octoberish. Then, I had a few students move out and got my first new kid. By this point, we had already established our routines, procedures, and expectations. He was a lot to handle. Then, I got my second new kid who had some behavior issues as well. After receiving two more kids who were a little hard to handle, those kids I mentioned earlier were a breeze.
After I welcomed my new students and tried to re-figure how I would fit 30 desks into my little classroom, I thought I had it all figured out. However, it was not so smooth sailing from that point on. I mean I have some kids with some pretty severe anger, which is totally okay, I get it. I always remind myself "Alisha, they have bigger troubles than school" and for the most part, I can accept that!
Here I am in April; exhausted, overwhelmed, and completely out of ideas. I feel like I have literally tried everything. I have read articles, watched videos, read other peoples blogged, pulled out my references books from college, met with my mentor, talked to other colleagues and NOTHING I try seems to work. Nothing at all. What the heck am I doing wrong!?
Let me tell you a list of things I have tried in my classroom, heck maybe they will help you out:
close proximity
think-sheet
buddy room
focus room
Mrs. Davidson's "evil eye" (which probably isn't very "evil")
extra recess for good behavior/homework completion
computer time for good behavior
taking recess
making them walk the perimeter
having heart to heart conversations
take field trips
call parents for positive and negative behaviors
Super Student awards when they do anything positive
fill out behavior plans
building a strong relationship
reminding them that I care about them
reminding them how smart they are
reminding them that they matter
Yes, I have tried all those things, and probably many more. But, nothing is working. I am drowning. I knew it was getting bad when one of my sweetest little boys told another colleague of mine that he felt sorry for me because of the lack of respect that a certain couple of my kiddos show towards me. Or when my other sweet little girl said "It's beginning to feel like a zoo in here" as I have 3 or 4 kids blurting, shouting, running around etc. Sometimes, I just want to come home and cry and sometimes I do. Which, I have been told is normal (it's not like I am doing it every day by any means). I LOVE teaching. Seriously, I LOVE it. There are sooo many good days and so many lessons where I feel like a rock star and my kids feel like geniuses. However, there are bad days too. I am learning how to cope and deal, but I REALLY have got to learn how to not bring it home.
My dear husband, got to love him. He really puts up with my moodiness. I guess the moral is this:
1. Getting new students is tough, especially those with behavioral problems. I have to figure out how to be better about reaching out to those students. (It certainly can't be easy on them)
2. As a first year teacher, try not to overload yourself. I think I put a little too much on my plate for my first year. I need to be able to breath!
3. Don't bring your bad mood home! Seriously, my sweet husband doesn't deserve me flipping my top for small things because of a rough day at work and certainly, if we had kids, that would not be okay!
So, as we come up on our state assessments, which is feeling a little overwhelming (I mean in college, they were all like "oh who cares about standardized tests which totally isn't the case), I have to remember to breath easy and make the rest of our school year as smooth and memorable as possible.
This posting turned to be more of a rant, maybe a vent, but by no means a complaint. I love my kids, even those extra challenging ones. I try to remind them often of how proud I am and how I am confident that they are capable of anything. I do my best to stay positive, but even so, the exhaustion is reality. I am indulging on a 3 day weekend and am hoping that my kiddos are great for their guest teacher on Monday, which I am sure they will be. I haven't had complaints yet! So, I am turning the email off and leaving the school work in my bad all weekend. On Tuesday, I am sure to be refreshed and feeling good!
Any advice on how to reach out to my kiddos who are struggling!? I sure could use it!
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